


The air gets thin on top of the mountain

by maeusetod



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, set after the books, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 12:58:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4877737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeusetod/pseuds/maeusetod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For someone as oblivious as him he wondered how he had survived all those years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The air gets thin on top of the mountain

Neil sat in the locker room tracing the outlines of the key in his hand as if he was trying to memorize it. Truth was he had every scratch and every bump already internalized. He hadn't driven the car in ages, at least that's how it felt for Neil, but he would never let go of the key. For him it symbolized feeling safe even though he knew that if his life should ever be in danger again a key wouldn't do him much good.

The noises of the stadium crowd grew louder. He had heard the game was sold out, but nevertheless it sounded quiet and somehow dull. He should feel excitement, he should feel joy, but there was nothing of that. It didn't feel right and he guessed it was because he himself felt unsettled. He remembered the noise of the Foxhole Court being different. Back then he could feel the shouts vibrating through his body. He could feel the anticipation of the crowd and had let his emotions be carried by it. If he would have the chance to turn back time, he would turn it right to the moment after they won against the Ravens for the first time.

Reminiscing the past was something new for him, and he had never thought that people were able to long for something that was long over and would never come back. Before college and joining the Foxes it had always been just living to see the next day, and even during those first years in college life hadn't been all roses either. Nevertheless he missed those messed up times. After what he and Kevin had done, all they could do was to improve their skills, do everything they could to be good enough for Exy’s mayor league. It had been to no one’s surprise that Kevin had been the first to put his signature under one of the major teams. After that it hadn’t taken long for someone to approach Neil, too. 

He put the key away as he saw the angry glance the coach send him as he noticed he wasn't stretching. Some words of encouragement and some comments on the tactics of today's game filled the room, but Neil wasn't listening. The time between him being in the locker room and finally hearing the buzzing sound of the clock ticking down passed in a blur, and as the ball finally made its way towards the enemy's goal Neil felt the adrenalin in his veins and his heart beating in his chest, and for a moment his thoughts cleared and all that mattered was winning this game. 

 

When he was back in his room looking in the mirror while brushing his teeth his thoughts started to play with his mind again. He was still Neil Josten, but he sometimes felt like an entirely different person. There was a part of him that went missing somewhere along reaching for playing Court. He looked at the scars on his face and wondered again if he should do something about them, but he was too afraid of losing more of himself doing so. It was strange seeing his scarred face plastered on advertisement boards and in magazine. He had a lot of advertisement deals recently. They had told him something about great recognition value, but Neil had only been interested in the money they offered. Even if he had to give most of it to the Moriyamas, he still had enough to not have to care about how much he spent. Recently he even bought some clothes, and wondered if Nicky would be content with his choice. Probably not, Neil had never cared for fashion, and the more plain his clothes were the more comfortable he felt in them. When Nicky was visiting the next time Neil had to ask him to go on a shopping tour.

His phone started to buzz. He put the toothbrush away, rinsed his mouth, and tried to find it. He opened it carefully, because it had the tendency to shut off if he opened the sellotaped old thing too fast, and tried to read the messages, despite the broken screen. The Foxes where congratulating him on winning the game. Most of the Foxes anyway. Kevin would never congratulate on a game that had only been won by a hair’s breadth. After graduating from college both Neil and Kevin had had only one goal,: playing for the major league. Knowing his life had a possibility to continue for some years in the future, Neil even started to care for his grades at some point - if it wasn't getting in the way of Exy practice. That had always and would always be his priority. It was the one thing that had kept him alive, that had made him stop running, and he wouldn't give it up for anything. 

It was only now that his life revolved around Exy that he could finally understand Kevin's reaction, when Riko had tried to take it away from him back then. He was still grateful for Kevin to believe in his skills, or whatever he had seen in him when he played in Millford, and he knew the only way to repay him was proving him right on court, and the moderate performance today wasn't satisfying at all. It hadn't been entirely his fault because the defense had behaved terribly and the strikers had had a hard time compensating for their opponent's goals. At the end they had won, but barely. Not that he could top Kevin’s legendary seven goals in ten minutes of last year, but he could have at least shown a better performance. Success was a lonely thing if you had no one to share it with. Neil had put so much into becoming one of the major Exy-players. He had spent hours and hours with Kevin improving his skills, and now that he had finally reached his goal, reached the top, it seemed the only way left was going down again.

Nicky was probably asleep and would congratulate him a few hours later. Neil still couldn't remember the time difference between here and Germany, and he didn't bother too much. He only texted Nicky when the latter started the conversation anyway. Andrew wasn't messaging him since Neil had joined his new team. They hadn't talked to each other either. It had all started when Andrew was asked to play Court second after Kevin. Neil had been glad to hear the news, thinking that Exy was something that would keep Andrew going, would help him keep his mind away from other things like it was for him. Something to fill the void now that he, Neil, and Kevin were safe and even Aaron did not need his help anymore.

Andrew, though, had declined. He had been offered this one chance life gave him, and he had been stupid enough not to take it. Neil had thought it would make a difference talking him into it, but all Andrew had kept answering was that this wasn't what he cared for. Exy was not what it was worth living for. There was nothing more Neil could get him to say, and he had nothing left to trade, and so they stopped talking to each other altogether. Neither of them dared to break their non-relationship as if it was something neither of them had control over. When the Foxes asked Neil came up with excuses because he did not even know how to explain it himself. Neil felt as if he had chosen Exy over Andrew, even though Andrew never asked him to stop playing and knew exactly that Neil needed Exy. He not only thought it as something to live for, he also had his deal with the Moriyamas. There was no life for him without Exy, but life without Andrew wasn't the way it should be either, and the unspoken conflict between them was eating at Neil slowly, but inexorably and no win and no championship could do something about it. He answered the messages in his usual short way, not bothering with the usage of emojis, and went to bed hoping the game had wasted enough of his energy to keep his thoughts at bay. It took him hours until he finally fell asleep. He dreamed of rooftops and cigarette smoke, but the person he longed for was nowhere to be seen.

Practice had been rough, but too short. Neil was running through the streets as fast as he could until his thighs were burning, until he couldn't feel his legs anymore. He wasn't even looking where he went, but he knew where his legs were carrying him anyway. He went inside the stadium. It wasn't allowed, but Neil had made it one of his conditions to play here. He opened the doors to the court when he noticed someone standing at the goal line at the away side. He did not have to actually see his face, the contours of the body were enough for him to recognize who it was. His thoughts were divided between running towards him and running away. Strangely enough he was frozen in place. Andrew walked towards him. He wasn't rushing, but going slowly and it took an eternity until he finally reached him. Neil wanted to say something. He wanted to tell him a lot of things, but before he could open his mouth Andrew had already passed him without even sparing him a glance.

Andrew went to the changing room and Neil knew it was a request to follow him. Maybe it was more than just a request, but it changed nothing because Neil would follow anyway. Andrew started changing into gear, and Neil did the same. It was dead silent in the room, but at the same time unspoken accusations filled the air as they starred at each other quietly. It wasn't until Andrew was fully dressed, that Neil noticed the gear he was wearing. It was the same as Neil's except for the name on his back. Andrew had told him over and over again that he wouldn’t play for a major team, yet now he was here, owning a uniform. 

A million questions ran through Neil's mind, and he didn’t know where to start, or if he even dared to ask. It had taken a great deal to change from bright orange to dark blue. The first times he had felt awkward wearing another color after the all too familiar bright dye. After finally getting settled, seeing Andrew in marine blue and without a fox print on his shirt felt even stranger, and Neil wondered if it was a look he had to get accustomed to. 

 

Andrew stood at the goal in the same bored stance he always held. Anger was burning inside Neil's veins. He waited to him to say something. He waited for a twitch of his lips, a smile a frown, anything, but Andrew just kept staring. He couldn't believe Andrew dared to come here without saying a word and expected Neil to train with him, to play Exy with him. Every second he stood there looking at Andrew’s calm stance he felt the long hidden anger and fury burning inside him. It wasn't until after he fired the shot with all the vehemence behind it, that he realized he hadn't aimed at the goal, but the person in it. 

The ball flew in a direct line towards Andrew, and for a moment Neil felt as if his heart stopped beating. He forgot to breathe and only took another breath as Andrew deflected the ball, letting it hit the wall. The next moment Neil saw Andrew running towards him and he was thrown onto the hard ground. Somewhere next to him a ball hit the ground. The ball Andrew had deflected had re-bounced at the wall and had been in direct line to hit Neil.

Andrew sat down next to Neil. Neil didn't bother to sit up and just kept lying there.

“You said you didn't care for Exy,” Neil reminded him.

“I don't,” was all Andrew answered starring right into Neil’s eyes. And that was when Neil understood. Andrew cared for something different, or better he wanted to care for something different. And Neil hadn't let him. Neil had just walked away. For someone as oblivious as him he wondered how he had survived all those years.

“But you hate me,” Neil said. It sounded more like a question than a statement.

“I do,” Andrew replied.

“No you don't,” Neil said, knowing that Andrew was now playing with him.

“Maybe,” he said, and Neil was clever enough to keep his mouth shut. That was when Neil sat up and leaned towards him.

Neil put his hands behind Andrew’s head and pulled him closer. Even if he was allowed to touch Andrew he still remained the habit of putting them there. Their lips crashed forcefully, and they kissed as intensely as if they had to make up for all the lost time in a split of a moment. Neil forgot how to breathe. He had forgotten the heat that eradicated in him, and the heat of Andrew warm hands on his skin as he traced the scars on his face while he kept playing with his mouth. Neil wanted to get rid of the gear, and he wanted to be anywhere else than on court, but he had to wait. At least he knew that there was something to wait for. Andrew had come back to him, and now it was his turn to make it up for his own obliviousness. For a moment the world fell in place again. For a moment Neil was fine again. Andrew had stopped his stubbornness, and Neil started to accept that he had to look beyond the life of Exy and playing Court from time to time, and for now that was enough.

They were together again, but Neil couldn’t stop but wonder how long it would last. Because for them a concept like forever didn't exist.

**Author's Note:**

> My first all for the Game fanfic.  
> Nothing special, just something I wrote after I finished the books.  
> I hope you liked it.


End file.
